Archive for category College
My Bethany Chronicles part II; All that I can’t leave behind
Growing up there are things that you tell yourself you’ll never do. You’ll never look down, you’ll never like rap, you’ll never be a missionary, and for me, it was you’ll never go to Bethany. Bethany was like the option after the last resort. Yet I went there, for four years, earned a degree, met my wife and now can’t leave it behind.
Bethany attached itself to me in the form of memories, friends, ideas, hopes and dreams. It’s attached itself to me in the form of the unforgettable and the wish I-could-forgettable. As much as I wish the school was just a diploma in a frame…its not.
I’ll never forget it. Packed up, geared up I turned the ignition on my car and left my parent’s driveway with all the hope in the world. I was searching for something. Something that interning with the youth group wasn’t meeting, San Jose State didn’t come close and my brush with “rock stardom” didn’t touch. I don’t know even now what I was searching for, but I wasn’t finding it where I was at. I pulled into Bethany, got my i.d. picture taken and then was taken to my room. My room was a wreck. The R.A. looked flabbergasted at the mess and a bit taken aback. Lesson #1 of Bethany – always prepare for people to be unprepared.
After we cleaned up the wreck and made a place for me in the room he invited me to the NSO event in Popineau park that night. I said sounds great, and then promptly walked past the “patch” that night thinking it was down by the gym. To say my first full year at Bethany was filled with lessons I didn’t know I learned them till later would be an understatement. Friends? Sorta. Direction? Nope. Purpose? Nope. Life direction? Haha…please don’t make me laugh.
Staring fatherhood straight in the face scares me. Being the person this little person is going to depend on to put a ruff over her head, do her math homework for her and scare off the inevitable emo-rap boyfriends (see what I did there was predict the next big thing in 10 years – emo-rappers. Mark my words they are coming, and they are coming for my daughter.) This scares the crud out of me. It’s this lack of confidence that actually calms me. It makes realize I have to be all the more intentional about what I do. It’s this lack of confidence that makes me know that in the end, I’m going to be fine.
Approaching things with confidence scares me. It’s something that of Bethany I can’t leave behind. Every time I approach things with confidence…think of the proverb where God tells us, “pride goes before the fall”. See, as laughable as it is now, I was convinced I was going to be the biggest thing to hit Bethany since running water(which actually hasn’t hit Bethany in some of Burnett). I had the long hair, the Mustang, the guitar…what else was needed? Well how about some humility, some social graces and skills, ability to be uncomfortable and make some new friends? Oh yeah…I forgot those in my parent’s driveway.
I remember there was this time in the cafe where I sat down to lunch, VH tee-shirt on, hair flopped in my face, and some deli sandwich on my plate. It was near the cafe’s closing time so there wasn’t a ton of people in the cafe, but there was this girl. She came down to sit with me. She introduced herself and I told her my name too. She seemed genuinely interested in me as a person. She was in a few of my classes and lived in swanson. I said two words for 30 minutes as she looked at me hoping I was going to talk to her…those two words were “see ya” as I walked up. Why is this such a poignant memory for me? Because it was the beginning of the realization that I was not who I thought I was. It was the realization that I was not the next big thing at Bethany and it was hard for me to take. It was hard for me to realize I had lessons to learn, humbleness to earn and respect…well that came much much later. It’s all I can’t leave behind.
Dreams and Memories; The Bethany Chronicles part I
There are some things that are unmistakable; the look on your dad’s face when the baseball went through the window, the feel of a favorite pair of jeans and the smell of your old dorm room. Burnett hall will always have a special place in my heart and my nose. It is where I spent 4 years of my life. Living , learning, unlearning, crying, celebrating, embracing and making. Some of the most memorable moments of my life happened in 1201, 1202, 1216, 1213 and 1101. From never-ending 24 marathons with Chocolate Bear, to the public menace talk with Alec…there are dreams and memories that will forever live on.
I’ve always thought the lowest form of conversation is the “remember when”s. You know the conversation; its the one that our parents, grandparents have at Christmas talking about how good life was before the democrats were in office, before “green”, and when Buddy Holly was considered Rock n’ Roll. It’s the conversations that seem stuck in time, whenever these people get together it’s like the Cold War never ended. But I’ve recently begun to rethink this assumption.
Life sucks sometimes. There are times when flights don’t take off on time, when you get to a port of call for business and realize this was a bad decision, when bills come in and your first thought is how much credit left do I have? We are getting to the point in life where life is starting to take things away rather than giving them. Sometimes we all need a little hope, we need that light at the end of the tunnel. We need someone to help us find our way.
Hope is the centerpiece of Christendom. Hope that not only are we going to a place where there is no more pain, but that with the hope of heaven firmly entrenched in our hearts we can make a difference in our world. Hope is what should be inspiring thousands and millions of Christians to give monetarily and of their time to the people of Haiti. Hope is what should inspire people to vote, to serve and to give. Hope can get lost sometimes. When all hope is lost…we are lost.
Bethany for me now is a diploma on a wall, the realization that I met many of my best friends for life there and a lot of good dreams and memories. Whatever the financial situation of that star-crossed institution of semi-higher learning is, Bethany gives me hope. The person that went to Bethany is the person I was. That same person had world-changing ambitions. That same person aspired to be a great husband and terrific father. That same person wishes to honor his God and use his talents and gifts in his service. There are times where he gets lost amidst the bills, the bull-crap and the appearances. Sometimes we need to look at who we were to remember who we can be. Sometimes we all need a little hope.
“Remember the nights, remember the fleeting moments, all we have are dreams and memories”
